Looking for a Therapist who understands you, and the issues you face?
Change Happens offers a unique and specific individual and relationship therapy approach for men who identify as gay, bisexual, pan sexual, non-binary, queer, or straight men who have sex with other men.
Being gay in a dominant heteronormative, straight culture is challenging? There are aspects to being gay that are unique and better understood by another gay man. Living in a world that doesn’t get you, needs someone who does.
Change Happens is a therapy space for men seeking support and direction, a stronger sense of life purpose, ways to create meaningful and rewarding connections for a fulfilling life.
The service includes men who identify as straight yet, have sex with other men while remaining married with a family.
Learn how to be proud of who you are and what you have achieved.
The demands of today’s busy life throw’s complex and competing views on how to live your life that can be confusing, especially when making decisions. Learning to navigate the intricacies of relationships, how you relate to others and to your immediate wider world of work, friendships and family can seem overwhelming.
Whether you are struggling with coming out, questions about your sexual orientation or identity, experience internalised homophobia, shame or you are seeking a more satisfying intimate relationship, talking with someone can help.
Some issues for coming to therapy might include;
- Looking for intimacy and connection yet find yourself on the Apps roller coaster that don’t live up to what they say they offer
- Past childhood wounding, traumas, family, and emotional neglect. Including socio-political and cultural challenges to identifying as gay
- Relationship challenges and difficulties when considering an open or a poly relationship, sexual differences and preferences, such as kink, and BDSM
- Overuse of porn, alcohol, recreational drug use and other addictive type behaviours to boost your confidence, self-esteem, and attractiveness
- Coming out later in life, you are married or want to explore your identity without losing your family
At Change Happens Sydney, I offer a safe place where you can be free to explore and discover the real you without judgement.
Whether you are single or in a relationship coming along to therapy can help.
Learn to be confident, be who you are and want to be. Make the choices that will influence you having a bigger and greater life than you imagined.
Contact me today on 0407 915 076 or info@changehappens.com.au
Five Reasons Gay Men Come to Therapy
1. Relationship Communication Differences
As in all relationships, communication difficulties are a strong focus and can be a reason for relationship breakdown. Some of my clients tell me they have a checklist of what they want from their partner. Some expect that the other will know what they want and feel and adapt accordingly without telling their partner. Some expect their partner to be a mind-reader or be willing to compromise on their terms without finding out what the other is thinking or feeling.
Relationship sabotage happens for a number of reasons but mainly there is a fear associated with communication difficulties and between gay men it can move towards a competition rather than compromise. It’s often more difficult to get your relationship back on track as a result or to find a meeting place where each of the parts of the relationship can openly discuss and move forward together.
2. Low Self-Esteem
Gay men struggle to believe they are a desirable and loving person. Old self-limiting beliefs can stop a gay man believing that they are someone who can be open to having a meaningful relationship with another gay man. Perhaps the past is blocking their capacity for self-belief in who they are and in seeking a more satisfying relationship.
Some gay men have created a safe way of being in the world that doesn’t allow for anyone other than a select few to know who they truly are. Having to meet someone new may mean they have to reveal themselves. The habit becomes the norm rather than the exception – cocooning themselves away preventing themselves from having to re-experience emotional and painful past experiences.
Contrastingly, other men seek their validation in risky behaviours, seeking love and affection in all the wrong places, which also can become the norm. Breaking the cycle of low self-esteem can help change to happen in your life.
3. Coming Out and Identity Issues
Perhaps you are only realising that you are gay or bi-sexual. Perhaps you are married or have been married and are now stepping out from your long personal struggle with your sexual orientation. You are not alone.
Every gay and bi-sexual man has had to learn to navigate their way to understand what is happening for them. No matter what your journey in life in coming to terms with being different, has a long reaching effect on your sense of self. Despite today where being gay is more acceptable the stigma remains. The fear of being outed, ridiculed, family’s non-acceptance, the fear of rejection or being isolated impacts every gay man.
If you struggle with coming out know that you are not alone. Coming along to discuss how you can live your life in a meaningful way as a gay man is a step towards a more meaningful life.
4. Being Gay in a Straight World
Most gay men in their life grow up in isolation from other gay men until they discover another gay man, usually in young adulthood and by then, many of their core behaviours are well established. You may have chosen to live in the straight world by hiding your sexual preference or acting on them in secrecy.
Life offers a choice of how to be and live in a straight world but living as a gay man in a straight world takes courage and determination to succeed. Life does offer and teach gay men that certain ways of behaving are not acceptable and some parts of society clearly condemn gay men.
If you are finding your way as a gay man in a straight world you may have encountered others who are less accepting of you and your lifestyle. You may have experienced prejudice, homophobia, resentment, discrimination or emotional and/or physical abuse.
These experiences can stop you becoming the person you want to be. They can also take you on a personal journey of self-loathing using risky behaviour, finding solace in the overuse of drugs, sex or alcohol in order to sooth your emotional pain.
If you identify with this cycle of behaviour and emotional pain then come along to counselling where we can work together to gain a clearer understanding of how this is impacting on how you want to live your life.
5. Crisis of Meaning – no longer feeling ashamed
What connects the first four issues is the question,”what does all of this mean?” Resolving a crisis of meaning is all about reaching the place, to be honest and authentic. It’s about no longer needing to compensate for shame and living a life without needing to fill it with behaviours, old critical and negative beliefs that no longer serve you.
When you drop the struggle with shame and accept life as it is without judgement you find greater freedom. It is freedom to be who you are, exactly as you are. The only real meaning in life is found in being who you are right now, without apologies.
If you are serious about having a more meaningful life as a gay man then the first step is to drop the internal struggle with yourself.
Psychotherapy and Counselling for gay men offers a safe place to be you.
Dr Adam McLean
As a gay man and a therapist, I understand on a personal and intimate level many of the challenges of being disenfranchised. I have been part of the Sydney Gay Community for over 30 years and longer in the UK. As a native born Scotsman, I have travelled a lot seeking a place to call home before settling in Sydney. Being openly gay and accepted in the early 1980’s in Glasgow was less than safe, more secretive and underground than being openly free to be myself. Moving to other cities and countries was about finding myself and acceptance.
My approach as a therapist is holistic and supportive, bringing a wealth of life experience to the sessions with clients. I seek to be present to what each client brings as we journey together without judgement in the exploration of what is important for you.