How I work
Existential Counselling and Psychotherapy
The underlying principle of how I work is strongly influenced by Existential philosophy. There are lots of different kinds of existentialism and existential therapies, its not just one thing it’s a whole family or genre of different approaches and perspectives on a whole range of questions – such as meaning, spirituality and so on and what life is all about.
Existentialism breaks away from putting labels on a persons’ life. It begins with the concrete aspects of being human. It is a question about what your life is really like? It is a way of working with you that tries to avoid making lots of assumptions. Questions that are more likely to be asked include “what is going on in your life, what are your struggles, difficulties and conflicts” and then talking about helping you to move forward, drawing on your strengths and barriers. Its an approach about facing up to life as it is and making sense of it.
Today people are looking for happiness in a difficult world. Existentialism begins with the premise that life is a challenge, it can be tough at times and everyone faces difficulties, have experienced tragedy, loss and that life is never as perfect as you want it to be. Finding happiness is a constant journey to being fulfilled in life.
Personal Responsibility and Choice
An area I find important is the acceptance of personal responsibility. We live in a blame culture today. Personal responsibility includes having choice. What choices have you made and are making today – do they start from the assumption that you have personal freedom – this doesn’t mean that you can do whatever you want, it means you have freedom within certain limitations. For example, where you live, being in goal, social and economical status, abiding by religious ordinance, cultural norms, all can influence your freedom and choice. Perhaps you are not always aware that you have freedom especially when you are in difficult situations. You also may not be aware that you have choice and of the choices you make.
You may not always be comfortable or aware of the choices you have or make. Sometimes it is easier to blame other people or situations – “other people made me do that” or “its something in the past made me do that”. That is not to say that past experiences don’t influence the choices you make, it can influence enormously but even in past experiences, there is always the possibility for freedom. While in the short term it may be comforting for you to know its nothing to do with you – you may say something like, “I didn’t choose it”, ultimately it is when you can grasp your freedom and live a life by taking personal responsibility for what goes on that you can make meaningful choice in your life that can lead to more satisfying and fulfilling ways of being.
Individual Sessions
In our time together we will look at the choices you have made and are making or considering, how these choice influence your sense of who you are as a person and how this helps you to have a meaningful life. Often identifying those choices and their impact is the first step towards change happening.
Couple Relationship Sessions
In couple’s relationship therapy I will work with your relational world, two people together whose relational communication and choices provide a source of difficulty, fear and taps into the emotional pain that is masked by the couple blame game. Exploring both worldviews allows healing to happen when blame is removed and understanding happens.